Stop Beating Yourself Up

“IT’S TIME TO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.”

When I speak to groups of students or educators, I make sure to touch on self-compassion as an important part of mindfulness practice.  Typically, I begin with the statement above, shortly followed by, “…it’s not working, nor is it doing what you think it is.” 

I start my overview of self-compassion with this because the experience of mentally beating oneself up is rather universal in our culture.  Just about everyone does it, and I would guess that you do, too.  (If you don’t, that is fantastic – keep at it!)

Negative self-talk and the inner critic are so pervasive because many people see it as useful.  Some people even resist being gentler with themselves because they think self-flagellation is how they “hold themselves accountable” or “stay in line” or “teach themselves a lesson” when they mess up. 

What occurs, in truth, is that we activate our stress response - our heart rate rises, blood pressure goes up, and our cortisol (the stress hormone) levels increase.  This elevated state is not one where you can learn any sort of lesson. 

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